


A Cut Above

by a_big_apple



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Food, Gen, Humor, odd couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-25
Updated: 2011-03-25
Packaged: 2018-08-09 02:00:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7782508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_big_apple/pseuds/a_big_apple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for starseed4 for the prompt "Barry the Chopper + Falman: The Odd Couple," as part of Valentines/White Day at fmagiftexchange.  </p>
<p>Even Barry the Chopper has standards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Cut Above

Falman had grown accustomed to military dorms, to having people living on all sides, to footsteps and creaking and occasional muffled laughter filtering through the ceiling.  
  
Of course, they couldn’t hide Barry the Chopper in a place like that; there were no people anywhere, just himself and a sociopathic armor man with an inhuman skull for a face squatting in an abandoned building. Needless to say, Havoc’s occasional visits with groceries were a breath of fresh (if smoke-tinged) air.  
  
“Two potatoes, two onions, bunch a carrots, celery—I don’t know how you can eat celery, it doesn’t taste like anything—”  
  
“It’s going in a stew, it doesn’t have to taste like anything all by itself,” Falman pointed out as Havoc unloaded the bag.  
  
“Sure, if you like nothing-flavored stew.”  
  
“That’s what the meat and the bouillon are for.”  
  
“Speaking of, here’s the cubed beef.” Havoc set the plastic-wrapped package down next to the others. “Better get that in the icebox.”  
  
Before Falman could get a hand on it, the package was lifted by one corner between two huge leather fingers.  
  
“What is this crap?”  
  
“It’s for stew.” Falman reached for it again, and Barry jerked it away.  
  
“This isn’t beef, this is—it’s—you can’t make a decent stew with this! What crummy idiot calling himself a butcher did this?”  
  
Though he knew, logically, that Barry’s skull face couldn’t change expression, Falman couldn’t help but interpret that expression now as insulted disgust. I wonder how he does that. Maybe it’s the glowing eyes, they change sometimes…perhaps I should ask Alphonse when I’m finally let out of this damned hideout.  
  
“It’s from the grocer—”  
  
“The GROCER! Listen up, there’s no such thing as a grocer who’s also a capable butcher. Take this back, or throw it out, it’s garbage. You go to Antonio’s on Fourth Street, that’s the only decent butcher shop left around here, and you ask him for a nice big eye round, I’ll cut it up myself.”  
  
Havoc looked from Barry to Falman, as though Falman would have an explanation; Barry, still holding the package of meat almost daintily by the corner, stomped to the window and flung it out.  
  
“Just do what he says, if you don’t mind, Lieutenant,” Falman sighed, slumping down in his chair. “Maybe having some meat to chop will keep him quiet for a while.”  
  
Havoc patted him sympathetically on the shoulder. “Sure, I can do that. At least you’ll have some really good stew.”


End file.
